Joyless cereal bars

Hi cardboard fans,
      Just when you thought food couldn’t get any more dull, dry and tasteless, my breakfast included a recycled cardboard tub of cereal bars made of overcooked, compressed paper shards. They didn’t even make it to the “save for later” space on the dresser, but got pitched in the rubbish bag destined for the landfill. It would be interesting to attach a tracking device to see if even the scavengers of the dump would be enticed to sample these vegan inspired cardboard replicas.
       I know some of you think I just have too much time on my hands, which of course is true, but this one really took the imagination of a prison chef in Hades to combine floor scraps in the wastewater plant into these  mouth drying rectangles of fecal chips.
     Lunch also included a brightly wrapped sample labeled “Chewy Muesli Bar” (which seemed redundant) for anyone that didn’t get enough fiber with the breakfast coal flakes. I now imagine dinner might provide more in the form of  something uniquely inspired like a salad of wood splinters and shavings over dried fish scales and cactus needles for that extra colon boost that we all crave.
    Hope your meals are flavorful and colorful, and as for me all this is balanced out by the joy of my little princess turning 28 today!
   Dry humored Bob

Cutlery Quandary

Hi foodies,
      Our Christchurch Novotel food has been better than expected, like the fresh grilled fish with hollandaise sauce, asparagus, potatoes, salad and fruit for dinner last night, but we’re given flimsy wooden utensils to eat with. I’d really prefer some metal cutlery and have requested it through both guest services and a “wellness” representative only to be told it is not possible. I tried pointing out that we have real spoons for our tea so why not the real thing for the food too? Perhaps it’s a safety issue and they’re unwilling to tell me I’m on suicide watch, so plan B is to buy a set from the grocery store that delivers and hope it gets past the security checkpoint.
        In other defiant news, during our sexual harassment and assault presentation by the HR department this afternoon, I couldn’t help but notice that 2\3rds of the examples they used had a character named Bob as the errant protagonist. Since we were allowed to use a chat feature to ask questions I wrote asking if perhaps the lady providing the program had a bad relationship in the past with someone named Bob, in an obvious attempt at humor. That comment was met with a reply by someone who said I needed to take the material seriously and only ask appropriate questions. I restrained myself by thinking but not writing back “lighten up, you twit”, and found out later it was the head of the Antarctic program that had sent the note. No doubt that will result in another demerit on my file by the department that I should have known doesn’t have a sense of humor.
           Two weeks to go and then I should be heading further south with one bag that includes 16 pickleball paddles, 2 dozen balls and a portable net that were all donated by folks from my hometown Piles Peak Pickleball Association. The equipment will be a great upgrade for both McMurdo and the South Pole and I hope to put it to good use and then leave it behind for the winter crew.
        Hope you are staying safe and healthy.
Harassed Bob
                           Popsicle stick cutlery